Chapter Two. Raging Bullock.
Stan yawned, as he got off the plane. His flight from West Virginia to Washington had been a short one, but he had still managed a bit of sleep. He hadnt fetched any luggage, due to his quick escape, and was quickly through the airport. Stan hailed a cab.
Where to my friend? The small Chinese cab driver asked.
The White House. And Id appreciate it if you got us there in one piece and didnt crash the car through the gates. That is the greatest building in America and we dont need extremists destroying its gates.
Sir, the America China war was nine years ago. I was in high school then, and had no political allegiance to either side. If anything I voted Democrat.
YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! Stan yelled, as he punched the cab driver on the back of the head repeatedly. When he stopped moving, Stan quickly got out, and hailed another cab.
The driver of the next one was Greek.
Excuse me sir, but what is wrong with that cab?
The driver is sleeping. Stan replied. Hes dead tired.
Stan started to chuckle at his joke.
The driver looked at him in confusion. Is he dead?
No. Stan replied indignantly. What would give you that idea?
Well, you say he dead tired, and then you start laughing.
Stan gave him a suspicious look, before the driver took off.
Stan quickly made it to the White House. He rang the buzzer on the gate.
Who is it?
Its Stan Smith. He replied. I need to see President Bullock.
Do you have an appointment?
Whats your name again?
Help!! Stan heard someone cry over the intercom. Shut up, American pig.
Whats go oing on in there?
Screw you, American pig, you arent getting in here.
And Im guessing you must be a terrorist. Stan sighed. Dont you people have anything better to do?
Clearly not, we break into white house and have premier Bullock.
Well, I guess there is nothing to do but break in there and kill you slowly and painfully. Stan replied.
Do your worst, we are in the most secure building in America.
You broke in there. Stan pointed out. How did you get in?
Easy, we blew hole in outer wall, and, oh shit.
See you in five minutes. Stan grinned, as he started to run.
He found the hole, and walked in.
Now, to reach the building, find Bullock, kill the terrorists and save the day.
Stan started to jog towards the White House, stopping when he heard people approaching. He took cover behind the tree of freedom that President Obama had had imported from South America during the Brazilian hostage crisis. Stan saw the two men approaching the hole in the wall which he had just entered through. They were wearing traditional Arabic dress and carrying several black market assault rifles. As they passed him, he walked out and slammed their heads together. As they crumpled to the ground, Stan snatched up their weapons.
Sorry guys, but Ive got to borrow these. Hold on a second, you guys are evil. Ha, Ill take your weapons, just like we took your oil.
Stan paused to laugh for a moment, before checking the men for any other weapons. He found handguns, grenades, and even a wicked looking knife.
Now, Im ready for action. Stan said, as he headed for the White House entrance.
Avery Bullock lived alone. He had done ever since his wife had been killed by terrorists. Something the man guarding him clearly did not know, as he put the phone down,
So, you got wife? He asked.
Dead. Bullock replied, angrily. Just like you will be.
You speak good, premier Bullock, but I am the one holding the gun to your head. Nobody knows we are here, and nobody is coming to save you.
As the sneering terrorist moved away, both men heard gunshots.
Stan shot the two guards with his newly acquired assault rifle.
Dont go anywhere. He said. Ill be back to arrest your corpses. Youre going down.
Stan was about to run into the White House, when gunfire raked the wall near him, and he dived for cover.
Ha. He heard a familiar voice shout. Come into my web, American spider.
You smug bastard!!! Stan shouted, as he spun around and shot his attacker repeatedly. Come into my country and misuse our phrases. You sicken me. So much I am going to vomit on your corpse after Im done killing the rest of you.
Stan was about to continue, when he heard the sound of sarcastic clapping.
Who is clearly trying to get my attention with that ostentatious clapping? He wondered, as he turned around.
So, you came. Stan saw two terrorists stood at the top of the grand staircase, while one of them was holding a gun to Bullocks head. The former head of the CIA was on his knees, but showing no fear.
Indeed I did. Stan replied. Now let him go!! Dont worry sir. Once they let you go, Im going to kill them.
The first terrorist walked to the edge of the balcony. Now, you are pleading. The boot is on the other foot now. I am the one with the power!!
Stan shot him, seeing him fall over the banister and land in a heap at the base of the stairs. Dont fall, it gets you down!!
Bullock took advantage of the confusion to roll away from his captor, kicking him in the kneecap. His attacker yelled in pain, and fired his weapon into the ceiling.
Stan raised his weapon, and pulled the trigger. A series of dry clicks emerged.
Ha!!! The enraged terrorist laughed, as he brought the pistol down and aimed it at Stan. Say hello to my friend that is little.
Stan ground his teeth in anger, as he threw the useless weapon aside.
The terrorists finger tightened on the trigger.
The terrorist turned and saw Bullock on the opposite side of the room, holding a Rocket Launcher.
You have some exploding to do!!!
Bullock fired the weapon, causing the invader to dive out of the way, before the place where he had been stood less than a minute ago to explode.
Oh shit!! The terrorist said, as he turned to see Stan stood above him. Consider yourself under arrest.
Ha!! High price lawyer and annoying pressure group will ensure that I am released quickly from American jail.
Stan grimaced, knowing that he was right.
Yes. The only way I am going to get punished for doing this is if someone kills me, and even then I go to paradise with 72 virgins.
You sicken me!! Stan spat, as he took his knife out. I should whittle you up.
You touch me, and I will sue you for everything you have. My people are excellent at coming into other countries and making the natives feel like isolated criminals.
Smith!! Bullock shouted. Kill him!!
Stan swung the knife upwards into the throat of the crouching terrorist, closing his eyes. He felt the hilt crash into the skin, and then knew something was wrong.
What the..? Stan exclaimed, as he looked at the collapsible knife.
Congratulations Stan. Bullock laughed. You passed.
I dont get it. Stan replied, as all the people he had shot stood up. Didnt I just kill these evil extremists?
Blanks, Smith, Blanks. Bullock laughed. It was all a test to see if you were still the effective killing machine that we hoped you would become.
We have a serious problem. Bullock replied, a look of anger passing across his face. There is a serious problem to the American society that we hold dear.
What is it?
They are called the Cult of Spargas, and they want to destroy our way of life with their crazy religion and lack of morals.
The Cult of Spargas?
They are a bunch of cut throat murders hoping to bring their own rule on the world by any means necessary, and I want to enjoy my presidency for at least a few years before it looks like I have to do something.
What do you want me to do?
Take them out!!!
By any means necessary?
Especially by any means necessary. Bullock replied. They have a mole in the CIA and I need you to go undercover to root them out, pump them for information, and then dispose of them.
You want me to go undercover at the place where I used to work?
Yes, since it is imperative that nobody recognises you, I think some sort of disguise may be in order.
Why dont I just go back to my old job, and say I changed my mind about early retirement?
Thats an even better idea. Bullock conceded. But it wasnt mine, so I think the disguise is in order. Maybe some kind of agent who is coming back into the CIA after making a mistake about early retirement. But what could your name be?
Bullock scoffed. Thats my alias from time to time.
No, you dont look like a Seth.
Actually, that is a decent shout. Bullock replied. Yes, I can see it now. Your alias is Stan Smith. You have a wife and two children. One son and one daughter. You live in Langley Falls, and have a pet goldfish. You worked for the CIA for a long time, before taking early retirement. Do you think you could pull that off?
Stan couldnt believe what he was hearing. I might manage that.
Excellent. Bullock beamed. Then, surrender all your weapons and I will have a driver take you back to the airport.
Sir? Stan asked. Why do you need me for this?
Because, Smith, we dont know who the traitor passing information to the Cult is, and we want someone who we know is innocent.
How do you know Im innocent?
Because you dont shower frequently.
I see. Stan lied, confused.
Members of the Cult of Spargas have a strange obsession with personal hygiene, and you clearly dont, so you are innocent.
I knew that it would save me one day. Stan laughed. Im going to do my best to save the planet from these lunatics.
Now, I must get back to the celebrations. Bullock said. Im just thinking of a way to get out of all the promises I made to the people. Maybe Ill invade Iraq.
One of the fake terrorists coughed.
Afghanistan? Vietnam? Brazil? China? Dakota?
Several coughs from the fake terrorist caused Bullock to reconsider. Maybe I should wait a few years.
Author Notes. Maybe he should.
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