Chapter One. Two New Presidents.
San Smith walked into his office one day, feeling depressed. It was over. The Democrats had won. His beloved Republicans had been forced out by the very people they had tried to protect.
And now we enter a deadly age of sin. He muttered. I really hoped I wouldnt have to resort to this.
Stan withdrew his trusty pistol from the shoulder holster. Ahh, Gun. How many times have we been together? Shot people. Shot objects. Shot animals. But now I need you to do me a favour.
Stan placed the barrel of the gun in his mouth.
I should probably say goodbye to someone. He muttered. Someone who has meant so much to me since Ive known them. I know, how could I have forgotten you.
Stan took the gun out of this mouth, and put it on his desk. He then picked the phone up and started to dial a number.
At the Smith house, Francine was preparing some dinner for later that night.
So, Ive decided that you were the only thing keeping me going. Stan said over the phone. Goodbye.
Now, listen here. George W. Bush said, from the Bahamas. What kind of an attitude is that to take? Youre a Republican, Stan, and they dont give up. Not in the face of overwhelming adversity. Why do you think we are still in Iraq? Because we never give up. We are determined to finish a job no matter how much of mess we make in the process. Why do you think America is the greatest country in the world? Because its a country where a drunken rich kid can become president. And you know how I did that? By never giving up on my dreams. Even though I wanted to several times.
Stan was almost moved to tears. Thank you, Sir. You have inspired me to find a new purpose in life. Im not going to kill myself f.
Damn straight. Bush said. Now, goodbye Stan. Its been nice knowing you.
Stan put the phone down. He picked his gun up.
I guess my new purpose is to get the Republicans back in power by any means possible.
Stan looked at the posters that adorned the CIA building. Im going to have to kill Barack Obama.
As Stan ran out of the room, he completely ignored the wording on the poster saying, New president. Do not kill!!
Stan quickly walked to the door of his boss. Deputy Director Bullock. He paused, before knocking.
Stan walked in, and found Bullocks secretary.
Ah, Agent Smith. How can I help you?
I need to see the Deputy Director. Stan replied.
Hes in an urgent meeting.
Damn you. Stan said. I dont care, now let me through.
Hes with the new president. His secretary said.
Even better. Stan said, as he pulled his gun, and crashed through the door. He did several rolls before arriving face to face with Barack Obama.
Ah, Agent Smith. Bullock said. Weve been expecting you.
Mr. Smith. Obama remarked, extending a hand to help him up. Ive heard much about you.
Nothing bad, I hope. Stan replied, as he dusted himself off. Obama laughed.
Not really. I heard you were a fine agent. From none other than your boss.
What do you want, Smith. Bullock asked.
Well, actually. Stan said. I came to ask you if we needed to kill Obama.
Bullock and Obama burst out laughing.
See, this is what I mean. Bullock said. People everywhere want you dead. Of course, this is a highly secure building, but it just takes one person to get in with either a bomb or a gun, and then mass carnage will ensue.
Which is why I want you to help me. Obama replied. There has been a threat from somewhere. They say they want me to step down, or they will put me down.
Incredible. Stan said. How long have you been in the job? Anyway, good luck with it.
Stan started to walk out. Bullock coughed, to keep him in the room.
Smith, since you are here, then maybe you could help the new president out.
I sure could. Stan replied. I know a place that sells Sniper Rifles and Im sure they arent fussy about who they sell them to. In fact, they make most of their profits from selling weapons to nutcases who want to assassinate world leaders. The CIA has used them before, when we tried to kill Castro back in the sixties.
Dont remind me about past exploits. Bullock said. I was the one in charge of the attempts to do away with Fidel. It was my pet project, and my first mission. I hate the Cuban bastard for screwing it up.
Quiet, Avery. Obama said. Mr. Smith. Im impressed. I will dispatch secret service onto that place immediately, and see if they can come up with any leads.
Well done, Smith. Bullock said.
You told me he was good. Obama remarked. Maybe we will see how good in the future.
20 YEARS LATER…
And with no further waiting, I give you the new president of the United States of America. Avery Bullock.
The 78 year old Bullock took the acclaim of the crowd.
In the Smith household, the 60 year old Stan was watching with pride. He looked pretty much the same, only there was a slight tinge of grey in his hair. He had however, put a little bit of weight on since retiring from the CIA.
It has been a long day coming. He said. But America finally has the leader that it deserves. Well done, boss.
Francine came and sat next to him. She hadnt aged as well as Stan, and her hair had gone completely grey, despite retaining all the shine it had had when she was blond. Bullock looks great on the camera.
Thats President Bullock to you!! Stan yelled.
I cant believe he won.
And we are going live to the Democrat party headquarters for some words with his opponent, Senator Haley Smith,
This is ridiculous. Haley yelled. Bullock is a corrupt bastard who got in power by bribery and intimidation.
And wise and gracious words from President Bullocks opponent.
Roger walked in.
Oh my God, Haley looks fat on TV.
Dont mention her name. Stan said, angrily.
Stan, you cant stay mad at Haley forever.
No, soon one of us will be dead. Stan replied. And then Ill be happy.
So she ran away from home and joined the Democrats. Roger said. Big deal. I ran away from home to get away from my controlling father, my overbearing mother, my liberal sister, my geeky brother, my talking pet, and that insufferable human.
Everyone looked at him. What I had a family before you guys.
Have you spoken to Steve recently? Francine asked.
Yeah, he filled me in on the inaccuracies of the new Star Trek film a few hours ago. Lack of continuity, poor plot devices, general mess completely. Apparently, bringing William Shatners son in to play the son of Kirk wasnt the greatest idea.
Roger. Stan said. I dont care. We just elected a great man to power, and all you can talk about is some movie.
Stan, I care about that stuff because Im an alien. You know, its like my birthright.
Roger, I retired from the CIA six months ago, and I do not want to hear wacko conspiracy theories about outer space. Not anymore at least.
You are such a douche. Roger said. Why can you never humour me?
Because life isnt humorous. No matter how much we want it to be. And for that matter why do you still live here? Stan asked. Werent you going to take a road trip across the United States?
Well, I wanted to, but then season twenty eight of Friends started, and I really wanted to see what happens with Ross and Rachel. Will they finally resolve it, or will it end in tears for the seventh time.
A tragedy when writers cant think of anything new. Stan said, shaking his head. Oh well, Bullock will save the world from poorly thought out commercialism.
How is the war on commercialism going? Francine asked.
Well, according to the TV and newspapers, its going fine, but from what I hear at the CIA retirement club. Were doomed.
What goes on at the CIA retirement club?
A bunch of guys drink beer and shoot things. Stan replied. Its great. Id invite you to come, but I cant stand the sight of you, and you make me want to vomit.
Why you must be so cruel? Roger wept, as he ran out of the room. Francine sighed, before following him, in a vain attempt to comfort him.
As Stan went back to the TV, he saw that Bullock had gone.
Seconds later, the phone rang. Stan answered it.
Smith. The voice over the phone was familiar. I need to talk to you.
You!! Stan exclaimed. Mr. President, I was just watching you on TV.
Yes, never mind that. Bullock said, quickly. I need you to get to Washington as quickly as possible and meet me at my new home.
What the White House?
Oh yes. Bullock replied. There is something I need you to do for me.
Anything. Stan said. Within reason.
I hoped you would say that. Bullock remarked. Now, get over here on the double.
Yes sir!! Stan shouted, as he grabbed his coat. Francine, Im going out for a few days.
Stan ran out of the door, before Francine would react.
Author’s Notes. Might work slowly on this, but only in my spare time. Comments, and Review